LittleFlower

What’s happened since I last blogged? I was blown away by the support from all my buddies. You guys are the reason why I keep plugging away. Ye help me to believe in myself, when it’s tough to see the good.

So…. since that awful day when I blogged, I’ve started my 2 weeks holidays from work. I went home to Kerry on Saturday…. and the change in the pace of life has done me the world of good. Take today for example….

I got up early to have breakfast with my baby sister before herself and Mom and Dad went to Mass. She was all excited because she had horse riding lessons after Mass. Mom was all dressed up and nervous because it was her weekend to be Eucharistic Minister. Dad was wearing his new shirt that my baby sister picked out for him and looking super cute in it! My 2nd younger sister was still in bed recovering from the night before!

When they were gone, I cleaned the house from top to bottom. That is just so therapeutic. To do a job like that, and then take a step back… I dont know why, but you just get an intense sense of satisfaction. Or maybe that’s just me?!

Grandad came over for Sunday dinner and it was lovely. We were all together (except for the sister just younger than me who went back to Cork yesterday). Dinner was gorgeous… pork chops with apple sauce, carrots and new potatoes with steamed pudding for dessert… yum yum! Mom knows I’m watching what I’m eating, so my portion was half of everyone elses! At dinner Dad was talking about going to the bog and footing turf after. I ont know what got into me, but I volunteered to go with him.

Now, for those of ye who dont know what footing turf is like…. turf is…. hard to discribe! Best thing to do is to tell you to google it, or “peat”. It’s cut in the bog at the start of the summer, and then you have to keep turning it to get it dry. When it’s almost dry, you have to “foot” it into bundles so it will totally dry out and then you take it home to burn. Footing turf is back breaking work. We have 2 bogs at home, so it took Dad and I 3 hours of bending over and footing to finish the job. But it was so worth while. We talked so much. We laughed loads. And although my back was in bits after, I came away with a really good feeling.

I had to look after my litle sister then for the rest of the evening because she got a majoy blood nose that totally drained her. We just snuggled up on the couch until her headache went away. Then we went to find her pet lamb who had been casterated (yes… I know…. cringe) in the morning. The lamb was hiding amongst the calfs and was making a very funny “mwaaahhhh” noise!

This evening then I played with the dog (who had found this humongous acorn and which became his new best toy ever!). We played chase in the garden for about an hour. It was like I was 10 again. So funny.

The pace of life here’s so different to up in Dublin. Where I live in West Kerry it’s very remote. I live on a small farm 25 miles away from any major town. The fun you have is the fun you make yourself. Time is not really that important. There’s no rush to do anything, and no pressure. And the weather at the minute is gorgeous and hot, which makes this the most beautiful place in the world to be. There’s nothing better than sitting out back looking at the Atlantic with the cat and dog fighting over who gets rights over my lap!

At the minute my mood is different. It’s getting better. I cant say I’m there yet, but I’m definately on my way. I’m so much more relaxed and feeling totally different.

Ok so… enough of that…. I’m off to bed for myself. It’s after 12am here, and I’m supposed to be babysitting a neighbours baby bright and early tomorrow morning for a few hours!

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

I havent written in a few days. I’ve checking in and reading everyone’s blogs, just havent posted anything myself.

Reason being, I’m in a slump. It hit pretty fast, out of the blue, swept me off my feet, and I’ve been going with the flow since. I thought I was doing pretty good food-wise. Eating healthy meals…. NO dominos (eventhough I really really wanted it), working out after work. Got on the scale this morning and saw what I saw. I held it together until I got into the shower and then I broke down. Every bad feeling I could ever feel about me, my life, the way I look just flooded over me. I had to be careful not to cry too loudly cuz my housemates were about…. one of which was pacing outside the bathroom door trying to make it clear he wanted me to get out so he could brush his teeth.

Got out when the shower ran cold and went up to my room… sat down, read a few blogs and still felt miserable. My leg’s in bits after the tag match last night. I didnt get much sleep because of back and leg pain. It’s gone back to the way it was when I couldnt walk for 6 months.

Right now what’s running through my head is that I have to take it easy on the cardio until my leg and back settle. No running. No crosstrainer. No taekwon-do. No tag. And if the scale looked like that this morning, after me working so hard this week and being so good…. what will it be after a long period of not being able to exercise?

I feel awful. I feel fat and awful. I feel like giving up on everything. This morning was the 1st morning in over a year I skipped breakfast. I’m just miserable. I just want to go home from work and go back to bed, only I know I cant. Today is the start of my 2 weeks off work. I should feel better than this. But things are going wrong in the office, I feel like crap and I just want to give up.

I love reading the blogs here, but I dont think it’s helping me anymore. I might just check in every so often on my buddies and drop them a line or 2…. but for the moment, I’m taking a step back until I get my head back on track, and stop feeling so bad.

hey everyone, hope ye all had a great weekend and are fighting fit again for the new week ahead. I’ve gotten over my slump that hit on Friday. The great weather definately helped. I had the weekend to myself (bf was at a 3 day music festival) so I was able to spend alot of time with the girls. Spent most of yesterday in Trinity College sitting out on the green. We treated ourselves to a skinny mocha icecap from my favourite coffee shop (Insomnia) and sat out and talked about anything and everything for about 3 hours.

 Went shopping then to get my last bits and bobs for the trip to Sardinia on the 25th July (only 2 weeks away now!!!) and saw that I had a big red mark on my chest with 2 white lines where my necklace was. Obviously wasnt wearing enough sunscreen. What’s it going to be like over in Sardinia?! I’ll melt in the 40 degree (Celcius) heat. I’ve typically Irish skin…. pale and freckly (the freckles are a new thing this year! My foreheads covered with them now!) and I burn a nice crispy red if I dont put on factor 25-30 in the Irish summer.

Anyhew…. part of my shopping was to get a swim suit for the holidays. This is the 1st time in 6 years that I’ve bought one. I went for a 2 piece…. not really a bikini, but I can roll the top up when I’m sun bathing. At least my belly’s covered, which is a good thing!

So…. today is a good day. Had to go on a building site this morning for the 1st time ever. The company sent me down for a quality control induction course and a bit of a tour of one of the sites. Really interesting….. the tour, not the induction course (yawnnn). Knew some of the lads from the tag rugby, so it was good to see them too. But the fact that I was a girl out on site, was a bit of a novelty for alot of them! Funny moments!

And my bf is back in Dublin again after 2 weeks of home! Yeeayyyyy. He may be too knackered to meet up this evening, but hopefully he’ll call over. Missed him loads, especially last week when the going was so tough.

 Didnt get a gym workout in this morning. Woke up and was way too tired, so I went back to sleep for another hour and then got up, did a Billy Blanks dvd and got ready for the day. I actually feel a bit better having changed my routine a bit. Change is always good. Now, I just have to remember to get my butt in the gym after work…. straight after work…. no sitting down on the couch and getting lazy!

Off to read some blogs etc now…. have a great Monday people!

Just back from the doctors. She basically told me to stick with the pill I’m on for the next 3 months, make healthy food choices, put up with the constant hunger and go for a blood test to check my haemoglobin.

 I felt like utter crap coming out from there. Still do. I’m trying not to cry. Got out from the doctors and got myself a massive icecream and a packet of malteasters…. both of which I polished off in under 10 minutes. I just want to go home and go to bed and have a good cry for myself.

Sorry for such a rotten blog, but I’ve no one around to talk to and I feel like my heads going to go boom any minute.

Yesterday wasnt so bad… I had a brief lapse in my diet plan. When I got in from work, i ate a plain wrap without even thinking… and then a big bowl of museli with skimmed milk. I got myself out of the kitchen straight away, but not before I grabbed my big 2litre bottle of sparkling water from the fridge. I sat on the couch in the sitting room with the door closed and let the fatigue take over me. I’d the house to myself (both my housemates are abroad at the minute) so I just curled myself up into a ball and fell asleep on the couch.

Woke up this morning and was too tired to get to the gym before work. Put on a Billy Blanks dvd, but couldnt bring myself to do it. So glad I’ve made a doctors appointment for later on today. Want to talk to her about the colour change in my skin on my face, this insame tiredness that’s getting way too frequent, my lack of motivation to do anything, forgetfullness, irritability, feeling low…. and this damn constant hunger that drives me to desperation 3 out of 4 weeks a month. I’ve a horrible feeling she may think I’m a hypochondriac or something and just fob me off. I had bloods taken 3 months ago, and they came back normal. But I dont feel normal. I dont feel like myself. I cant put my finger on it……

Think I may just finish what work I’ve left to do on my desk this morning and make an excuse to get out of here and go home. I dont know what’s with me today. Was talking to my boyfriend last night and told him I needed him back up here to give me a good boot in the bum to get me to cop onto myself and get myself back to normal. My Mom wants to come up from Kerry to go to my doctor’s appointment with me, but I told her to stay at home, I can manage this myself.

I’m just worried buddies that I wont get anywhere with this appointment. That I’ll be left feeling stupid, and more down, and more……. I dont know….. guess I’m just running on autopilot and cant see any sense in what I’m doing. It all just feels a bit pointless.

Right, I’m going to shut up now and try to finish my work.

Happy Friday everyone!

First off…. let me say…. that last night was the FIRST Wednesday in MONTHS that I did not order Dominos Pizza. Months….. I didnt even want to order it. Felt a bit freaky sitting up in my room with a bowl of frozen raspberries and strawberries with a dollop of fat free natural yougurt… thinking to myself “this time last week I was half way through my medium veggie pizza with pineapple and pepperoni…. after already eating a side order of garlic pizza bread” and I wasnt even tempted to order it. I was enjoying my frozen fruit way too much. And it was kinda freezing the yougurt that was on it, so it was turning out to be super healthy frozen yougurt!!! Yummmiii.

You have no idea how I feel now just thinking about that little victory. I know, I know, I will crave my pizza again. Without a doubt. BUT….. I have won one Wednesday night trap. I’m not even letting myself think about Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings… one step at a time.

I suppose what helped is the fact that I got out of the house yesterday evening. I met my friend for a run after work and didnt get home until about 8pm. I was so pooped I just got into my pjs, made a snack and then watched “All Saints” (my favourite Australian soap). I’m going to do a bit of exercise from now on in the evenings after work… anything just to get me out of the house and away from my kitchen, laptop and mobile… and the fast food menus on the kitchen notice board!

So, tonight I’ve a tag rugby match this evening after work, so will be busy. And I’ve a 5 mile run on Saturday morning…. early Saturday morning! So planing an early night on Friday night.

One step at a time…. right now I’m telling myself that it’s coffee break at work, and I’m going to get a coffee…. but I dont want the biscuits that are out on the table.

Ok, going to get my coffee.

I’ll get to my preoccupation with sugar later on in the blog.

So this morning I got to the gym and it opened early!!! Yeeeaaayyyyy it was the “nice” manager who always opens the doors at 6:55am, not 7am on the dot like the other 3. Got on my crosstrainer and got about 10 minutes into my intended 25 minute session, when this little man decided to get on the squeeky crosstrainer in front of me. He got started, heard it giving off an almighty noise, and kept going on it!!! There were at least 7 other available, non-squeeky ones, but he kept going on that one. I was tired…. and easily annoyed, so I couldnt keep going for the rest of the 15 minutes left on mine, so I left it and did sprints on the treadmill for 25 minutes and then the bike at high resistance for another 15 minutes instead. My legs felt like jelly when I got off the bike… great feeling! I’ve another gym running session on the cards for after work. A girl I’m doing the 5mile run with on Saturday asked me to run with her this evening, so it’s looking like another 30 - 50 minutes of running ahead of me! But it’s all good!

So back to the sugar….. my housemate came back from Edinburgh on Monday, and brought with her a small box of scottish toffees for yours truely. I didnt touch them on Monday, had 6 last night, and 3 when I went home for dinner this afternoon. They are gorgeous vanilla soft fudge… and after one, you just want more, and more, and more. The fact that I stopped at 3 today is something. Isnt it funny how a bit of sugar can nearly drive you demented? Even now, I’m just thinking of how the fudge tastes and feels in my mouth….. cue my Homer moment.

So, when I get home from work, the 1st thing I’m doing is discretely dumping the rest of the fudge. It’s too dangerous for me to have it in the house. And you wouldnt mind, but I told this girl that I was starting the 5 Factor Diet on Monday.

Darn sugar………… I cant do without it…… but I can do with it in moderation. Just not fudge. I cant do that in moderation……….

That was my 1st thought when I got up this morning. I had every intention of feeling gratitude for the day that I had ahead of me.. so I turned my “oooowwwwiiiiieee” into a “thank you” when I took a few more steps.  Went to the gym, did my workout, got home, had my breakfast and went to work…. my abs are now killing me. It’s like I’ve been sitting at my desk for too long, and every time I stand up I stretch out muscles swimming in lactic acid from the workout last night!

 BUT… it’s a great feeling. Gets me thinking that in a few weeks of work outs like that, my figure will improve, my tummy will deflate a bit… I’ll feel firmer and less jiggly when I walk. So it’s all good!

Got a text off my taekwon-do instructor yesterday. He’s over in Sardinia (Italy) at the European Championships. I couldnt go this year because of injuries (and… eeehhhmmm… extreme laziness and lack of training!).  Ireland now has 3 (I think) European Champions after the competition, and 2 of them were from his club! His club brought home around 10 European medals and he was delighted. He was so pumped, it got me missing the sport. Now that I’ve started doing some exercise in the evening, it might help me feel less tired after work…. and I may get the energy to make the hour trip up to his club on Wednesday and Friday nights for training.

I woke up this morning with a wish…… a dream…. one that I can realise with alot of hard work. I want to be a World Champion… I know…. I know…. seems a bit far fetched. BUT I already have 1 Worlds gold from last summer, but it was a team one. I would love to get an individual gold medal. The next Worlds are on in Canada in 2 years time. If I get my butt in gear, I could start my sparring training again next week, with a short term goal of getting placed in Nationals this October…….

You know what….. I have the power to do whatever I want. Having these goals in my mind will really help my weightloss. When I get to my goal weight, I’ll be able to fight in a lighter weight catagory… and I’ve beaten girls in this category in the regional competitions (they lump all us girls into one category regardless of weights because of small numbers).

I can feel the excitement coming on again. Renewed focus.

Right so…. off to read some blogs. Hope yer all having a great Tuesday!

I just had my butt handed to me by Mr. Billy Blanks. Was in town at the weekend scouting workout dvds and saw the taebo collection on sale. I figured, I’ve been doing martial arts for 16  years now (God, has it been that long?!) so I might enjoy a work out based on taekwon-do and kickboxing.

So I saw Taebo, and I got the collection. I put on the 1st dvd this evening after work and oh sweet Lord…. my stomach muscles were KILLING me after the 1st 10 minutes. And the workout was 30 minutes long. Tummy and bum will be sore tomorrow…. but it was such a good workout. Nice and intense and all in only 30 minutes. I cant wait to try the 2nd dvd tomorrow after work. There’s 4 in the set. I’m just so happy  bought the collection, cuz now I have NO excuse to not get in an extra 30 minutes of exercise after work.

Oh and for ye wondering who wrote “The Secret”… I think her name’s Rhonda Byrne. The books upstairs… but I’m not facing stairs until I’m ready to go up them and go to bed!

Hope ye had a great Monday… or still having a great one! Mine’s finished!

I just picked up a book yesterday… and I can truely say that my view of the world and me in it, changed 100% from reading the very 1st page. How I view my life and my ability to control who I am and to predict and create my own future has changed. The books called “The Secret” and I wouls urge all of ye to pick it up and read it.

It’s based on the fact that our worlds are governed by natural laws, the most important of all being the law of attraction. In a nut shell, we as humans are made up of bundles of magnetic energy. Our thoughts form the most important and powerful parts of this energy. When we think something, it’s sent out as a ball of either negative or positive energy into the Universe. Energy always returns to the creator, and so if you send out negative energy, you will get more negative energy back, and visa versa.

At 1st I thought….. ha ha…… madness. But then I thought about it a bit more, my scientific mind kicked in…. and it started to make sense. The “Secret” is the method powerful people on this earth both now and in history used their own magnetic energy, through the power of thought, to shape their own positive, successful destinies. It’s amazing. I’m blown away by this book, and I’m only on page 42!

Like I said at the start, my world and how I view my world and my future world has changed completely. I’m forcing myself to mantain a positive thought being.

Ok…. I’m going to use my powerful magnetic thought energy and the law of attraction to think myself thin…. later buddies. Hope ye had a fantastic weekend!

P.s. I just saw an ad for wax strips…. knew I forgot something in my shoping basket!! I was supposed to give waxing a go for the 1st time this weekend…. oh well, will have to wait for next weekend! Goodness, I’ll be able to mow through my leg hair by then… lovely, I know! Thank God I’m kinda blonde!

Oh and I changed my weight ticker to reflect my true weightloss… it’s all good!