LittleFlower

Havent really had any motivation to blog this week so far… stress levels high for an exam tomorrow after work that I havent really studied for (I’ve read the lecture notes, but not the background text… eeeeek!) and pretty busy at work (sorry Nancy for cutting the emails short yesterday…. but was up to my eyes!).

So far, this week has been brilliant. Had a bit of a shock-moment two days ago when I stood on the scale and saw a number I havent seen in over a year. I freaked out. Seriously freaked out. Thanks be to God I have a brilliant, supportive boyfriend. He just gave me a big hug, told me it was probably just my body re-adjusting to coming off my anti-depressants, and then gave me a stern warning not to do anything “stupid” like not eat for days! Then he made me a delicious healthy supper and we ate that together… he kept telling me that in a day or two my weight will be down again… and he was right. I’m right back down again this morning. But I have been working hard on it as well this week… into the gym every morning so far before work…. cardio and weights… even managing some jogging (did 30 minutes on a relatively slow speed this morning… hugh improvement on the 8 minutes I could do 2 weeks ago!).

So, Mom and my babay sister came up last weekend. As I thought, Saturday shopping was painful and tiring with Mom determined to baby my sister and determined to get her a pair of runners, regardless of whether or not she wanted them. I had to remind my sister that we all went through this…. and warned her that it will get worse before she leaves home…. especially because she’s the youngest and the last of us to go. But we had a lovely dinner on Saturday night and went to see “Up” in 3D… it was brilliant! If you havent seen it… go see it!

Sunday, Mom went to the craft fair and Saoirse (my babay sister) and I went to the zoo…. and we had a fantastic time, eventhough it was freezing cold. I’ll post up some pictures soon. It was really nice to spend some one on one time with her. She’s gotten so grown up, it’s unbelieveable. Cant wait for Christmas when I can go home and spend some proper time with her.

Oh… and I finally saw “Twilight”!!! Saoirse brought it up with her, and we all watched it on Friday night… Cathal fell asleep after the first 10 minutes, but he was there in body, if not in mind!

This weekend I found I just felt sorry for Mom. She’s such a lost woman. You can tell a lot about a person from their friends, and her friends that she talked about last weekend are pretty much all screwed up. I get the feeling that she feels trapped at home, and would do anything just to escape from it… to get away from the mundane day-to-day. I felt myself feeling sorry for her… and had to tell myself to “stop”. I have to stop engaging like this. I only get hurt if I start to trust her and let her in. So as much as my head is confused by my emotions…. I have to stay level… and distant somewhat…. so I can live my own life up here, and not worry about her life down there. As harsh as it may seem… it’s the only way for me to remain sane and have some cordial relationship with her.

Anyway….. an hour and half to go to my lunch… I’m starving… the fax machine’s pi**ing me off by spewing all the pages all over the floor instead of gathering them…… and I’m stuck on reception, surrounded by chocolate……. God I’m hunrgy. It’s not even a case where I can go out for some fresh air… I have to stay sitting here….. hurry up lunch time!!!!